Who I am!
by AB-maybecrazy
Summary: Shaun tells Claire his problem with Liam. Based on season 1 episode 7.


**Another (really) short one-shot based on season 1 episode 9. Shaun and Claire in the locker room, before Jared comes in. **

**I DO NOT OWN ANY ‚THE GOOD DOCTOR' CHARACTERS OR STORYLINES!**

**No Beta, all mistakes are mine.**

Her golden ear rings waved back and forth, as she tried to attach them to her ears without a mirror, yet years of experience helped accomplish that rather quickly. She let out a breath, looking at the last item in her locker - her coat - implying the end of another long shift. It probably wouldn't have been that long if her mind hadn't constantly been consumed by unnecessary, unhelpful and of all things uncontrollable worries caused by _the incident._ She would never admit it out loud, but Glassman was right: she was anything but fine. The whole thing had been haunting her all night long, followed her through the day and would certainly not let go of her the next night… and the next day. It would make her replay the event - her mistake - over and over again, until she couldn't deny any longer, that she caused another human beings death. Did that make her a killer?

Claire shook herself violently, trying to get rid of her thoughts. If she didn't get rid of that guilt, it would follow her for the rest of her life and she could kiss her career as a surgeon goodbye.

She quickly grabbed her jacket, closed her locker and turned towards the door, just in time to face Shaun, as he walked in. But he didn't walk past her to his own locker. He stood in the door, looking at her intensely, yet somehow not really seeing her. He avoided eye contact, as usual, but Claire knew he knew she was standing there and she also knew he wanted her attention. So she let him take his time, let him think of how to start the conversation and didn't ask him what was wrong. After all, he didn't like being asked questions.

„I don't like Liam, because he thinks he is like me." He started in his timid almost child-like voice.

Claire stepped aside, to sit on the nearby bench, inviting Shaun to do the same and he did, looking straight ahead, and simply talking.

„He has the same neurological condition as me. He doesn't like certain noises or lights or tastes just like me. He has difficulties communicating with people and reading their emotions like me. He doesn't understand why people lie or use sarcasm or why they want to get married and find love, just like me. He is different, like me, but we are _not_ the same!" He stressed, taking a breath before continuing. „People don't ask Liam to lie or recognize sarcasm, they don't expect him, to stay calm when things go wrong. He doesn't get punished when he makes mistakes he doesn't get yelled at when he doesn't want to talk to people. His parents help him everyday, they are never angry at him and they do everything he wants and needs. Liam has never been alone, he has never been hated or hurt because he isn't normal, but I have!" Again, he had to compose himself and Claire didn't fail to notice the tears glistening in his eyes, as he kept looking straight ahead. „I was alone and I was hated and I was hurt and I still am all these things, because I can't be normal, but everybody expects me to and it is not fair! Liam has autism. And I have autism. It is a part of me, I know that and I accept that. But it is not all I am!" Finally, he turned to Claire, a look of deep hurt and desperation in his face. „It's not all I am!" He said once again and Claire couldn't do anything but whisper a weak „okay", trying not to burst into tears herself.

Then, as quick as they came, Shaun's face was wiped clean of all the sadness. He said an „okay" himself in his usual tone, before he stood up and left the locker room, leaving Claire to process what had just happened.

She sat there for what felt like an hour, thinking over what Shaun had said about being more than just _someone with autism_. It made her feel rather stupid, thinking that just because they shared the same deficits, that they would magically get along. And he was right, Liam was very different from Shaun and Claire thought the boy knew it. He knew Shaun was different and that's why he looked up to him. Shaun showed him, that he could be more than _someone with autism. _

Thinking about her own situation, Claire came to realize that she as well, was more than what people saw. She was more than the mistakes she made and she was good, they way she was.

They all were!


End file.
